hey you guys…

Please join me at my pity party. I’m 29 years and a week old and my birthday went by with no particular flair or fun. I was working. I was surrounded by people I didn’t want to be with and I was working… on a weekend. I started this blog about a year ago because I like blogging and I wanted a fun new project for my birthday. It has been fun. It has been a great way to keep my friends and family updated and it feeds my vanities by having strangers read and comment. Thank you strangers, thank you friends.

But since my birthday, I’ve been in a funk. And it’s not because next year I’ll be 30. I don’t care. In fact, I’m very much looking forward to turning 30 and I’m going to through a big party. But today…

I had some very adult conversations today and it just feels like being an adult stinks right meow. I realized today that I can’t quit my job (even if I wanted to) because how would I feed Ruffalo? I realized that I take care of myself and if I can’t take care of myself, no one else would. I realized that I’ve grown accustomed to a certain standard of living (not a lavish one, but one I like very much) and if my finances change that I might have to start buying regular toothpaste instead of Tom’s. I might have to pick up my puppy’s poo with plastic grocery bags {gasp} instead of the scented, pink bags with hearts that I so stupidly bought… for his poo.

Bottom line, I’m depended on and I don’t think I realized the true weight of that until today. We *could* go home to Texas or we *could* go home to California and our families would help us work something out, but if we want to continue the life we have it is up to us.

I was pouting and the words, “I wish my mom would come make this better” passed through my mind. I’ll be someone’s mom one day (hopefully, maybe?) and someone (a real person) will depend on me. I have anxiety with just me depending on me, how will I ever be able to raise a child? When my mom was 29 she had three children under five years old. What?! She wrote in my birthday card, “Happy Birthday! 29 is a piece of cake! I had three little monkeys hanging on me when I was 29!” 

Well, it doesn’t feel like a piece of cake, Mom!

Welcome to my pity party. There are more pretzels in the kitchen.

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3 thoughts on “hey you guys…

  1. The 29th birthday is the absolute WORST! 29 is nothing…you are not really in your 20’s anylonger but you are also not quite yet 30. It is a limbo land of nothing! But, along comes 30 and everything is better. I can’t explain why…nope, I really can’t but my 30’s were the best years. I felt officially grown up, I wasn’t playing at it anymore like I was at 29. I was a young grown up…with so much to look forward to. Trust me, it gets better.

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